Konsep tuhan dalam minda dan kalbu umat melayu

Tuhan hanya wujud pada saat tibanya kematian dan pada ketika anak2 hendak masuk peiksa; itupun dalam bentuk pensel dan air mineral yang telah disyirikkan bomoh. kadangkala, tuhan juga wujud menjelang saat2 susah dan tertekan, kemudian hilang ghaib pada saat kesenangan menjelang.

Begitu juga, agama hanya wujud pada saat perkahwinan yang kononnya untuk menghalalkan perhubungan (padahal sebelum ni dah hidup macam laki bini, atau boyot bunting perut sudah tidak boleh disembunyikan lagi) dan pada saat pergi buat umrah atau haji untuk tunjuk kepada orang lain: “aku artis/guru/lecturer/siapa2 yang banyak duit. Tiap2 tahun aku buat umrah dan haji.”

sebab tu melayu tu tak semestinya islam. aku cakap, kao melatah. dah solat, kao?

bak kata member azlan: aku gi pasar ramadhan kat subang, nampak karipap, apam ngan tet*k jer. ader ker gi pasar ramadhan pakai hot-pants ngan spagetty strap? yang jual kue pon tak nak kalah. aku rasa pose aku aritu macam hape2.

puok2 kito blako la tuh

Puok2 kito ni asanyo skoloh arab, skoloh agamo. Tahu la serba sikit hukom hala hare, gapodio buleh gapodio tokleh. Kalu lah di takdirkey puok2 kito ni masuk neraka, mitok jauhla [Allahumma, mitok hare lah api nrako atah jasad kami], tapi kalulah betul lagu tu, puok2 kito nilah hok ake dok ppatak paling bowoh skali; puok2 hok ado ilmu, tapi toksoh kato nok ppakak2 sebar, tapi ko diri sdiri pon tok amal. Dulu bukey main lagi kato kononnyo esok2 kalu ngaji jauh2, kalu khijo jauh2, adolah pelue nok sebar kalimah Tuhe nih. Lloni, bukan stakat nok sebar kalimoh tauhid, Tuhe sdiri pon jjadi tok kenal doh. Nga hok jate mmain ttino nyo, nga hok ttino main jatenyo, nga hok dulu tok rajin tingga jmooh, lloni tok rajin miss tinggal smayenyo, nga hok dulu siak buleh jjadi tok imam trawih lagi, lloni gagap2 nok baco doa iftitahnyo, nga hok tok ingat maksud pkatoe auratnyo, nga segalo mace lagilah!
lagu nii lah bekase skoloh agamo. Pahtu lagumano pulok bekase skoloh biaso hok dok kelih kito, hok jjadi member kito? Kito pulok lebih sete [setan]. Aku bukenyo apo, cumo skodar sebagai peringate kepada smua2 kitolah terutamonyo ko diri aku sdiri. Jauh dok ccerok mano skalipong kito, ingatlah asa usol, ingatlah ttitih kturune, ingatlah maso depan anok2 kito esok2 lagumano kalu kito sdiri pong jjale tok brapo beto.

Sila bersabar makan rojak ini

Adaptasi dari cerita ruhayat:

I got a msg: “wo zhente ai ni”
“wo zhente ai ni”? earlier, I sent a msg regarding something* that I had sent just before, and the reply I got was: wo zhente ai ni? What? Don’t u know that wo zhente ai ni means: kau nampak sungguh kacak yang amat hari ni (taukid berganda digunakan) dan aku terasa macam nak tarik tangan kau pegi jumpa bapak aku dan selepas itu kita ramai2 pergi pejabat tok kadi?
Wo zhente ai ni? what? The truth is if not because of the credit constrain, I would have replied: wo ye shi. Thus my friends, let us berzaujah awal2. Kalau bonda aku tau, mesti dia bising2 ni. ;p
*bukan botol pepsi tarik tu dan orang yang berkaitan dengannya.

“dan janganlah cinta kamu kepada duniawi itu melebihi cintamu kepada Allah dan Rasul-Nya”

jugak, aku telah menerima satu (1) sms yang sama macam yang zam dapat dari seekor setan yang terlepas dari tali pasung bulan ramadhan. Takpelah, mudah-mudahan dia akan mendapat hidayah. Apa kata kita hantar santau pakai sihir putih (?) kat tuan punya nombor tu?


moral:
1) jangan nak menggatal
2) boikotlah pepsi dan kroni2nya
3) ada setan yang tak terpasung pada bulan ramadhan: minaljinnati wannaas.
4) Sihir adalah sihir, tanpa mengira warna kulit dan bulu.

Melawat persemayaman para dewa

Ramadhan kareem! Now is the second tenth of ramadhan, and the scram week for the examination. Last night, in order to finish my project group, I went to the persemayaman para dewa, literally: the place of the dewa-dewa (not gods). There are a few students here which some of my friends and I call them dewa and dewi (callin for honouring[blergh] them), for their performance in study. Needless to say, all of the occupants of the room are dewa, with the one with least dewa attained cgpa 3.8 (more if not). I compared their compartment with mine, and the comparisons are like heaven and earth. Serenity. I like the minimalist style. They still have the time to clean and decorate the room when some people who are struggling just to PASS certain subjects say: takde masa-takde masa. One of the dewa said: “spend time for Allah, and He will give you time.” Or so he said.

Earlier before, back into my room, gadja was kalut-kalut, for [he said so] his girlfriend is going to expose their relationship to the media. And today, once again he kalut2 about his girlfriend is going to be on national tv (rtm1) reading (tadarrus) the holy Quran. Today’s KOSMO, page 3: siti nurhaliza bertadarus.

Wa aakhiran, for those who are going into the battle of pens and dices, now is the time for [kalau kat skolah dulu2] majlis izin ilmu. Mintak halal ilmu satu semester ni, cikgu2. and guys, good luck to all of u. the blogger will remain silent until the end of the examination. Once again, ramadhan kareem. Hujum!

Tempat bergantung hidup (nescafe n cadbury)

look, I’m walking half conscious. Nescafee, nescafeeee, kopiiii, caffeine, kafeeeiiin, chocolate, Cadbury (d8 boycotted Cadbury)….. got to keep my eyes ope- zzzzzzzz.

owh, it's ramadhan already. wake me...zzzz.... up..zzz... to buka....zzzzzz..

weekends:
I spent my khali time reading (haha) a book that I longed for a very long time: tenggelamnya kapal van der wijk, by hamka. “takper, abih baca buku ni bleh sambung asgmnt” that was what I thought then. also read was advencer (read: adventure) si peniup nay (see? Muslims really are avid readers), and watched "the longest yard". Stone cold dowh! the computer breakdown sure was such a great start for the week

By the way, the (make it) theme song is harapan ramadhan- raihan and manbai.
kullu 3aamin waantum bikhair

anok bulang

the child of the moon; just after it was born. the picture was taken in merang, tganu. they (the tganese [tganu people]) called it 'anok bulang'. bile nok makang kue bulang?

talking about tganese, i recalled a joke by mohdbob:
doh la itang,
dok macang oghang,
skali aku plepang,
tletang dalang lokang.